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How To Win Friends And Influence People

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I recently shared some reading suggestions for fall and winter 2012. One of the titles from this list was “How To Win Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. At the moment, I’m toggling a couple of books (the Steve Jobs bio, and a rather dry textbook called Effective Public Relations – now in its 11th edition) so I found myself searching for ways to capture time I may not be using to the fullest.

This brought me to iTunes Books where I discovered a condensed version of Carnegie’s novel available for audio consumption – the perfect fix for my daily commute! As it turns out, the condensed version is a little over an hour long, and has some AMAZING insights I thought I should share.


1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
5. Smile.
6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the most important sound in any language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
9. Make the other person feel important – and do so sincerely.
10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.


11. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
13. Begin in a friendly way.
14. Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes” immediately.
15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
18. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
19. Appeal to the nobler motives.
20. Dramatize your ideas.


21. Throw down a challenge.
22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
26. Let the other person save face.
27. Praise the slightest and every improvement. Be “lavish in your praise.”
28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.


Resonated with me. Carnegie makes the allusion to the attitude of a dog. Dogs show genuine interest in humans at all times without really demanding that we show interest in return. It would appear that when someone gifts us with genuine attention, we tend to truly appreciate them. This drew me to the conclusion that I may need to sometimes embody the traits of man’s best friend – because how will I ever expect to receive this treatment in return?

Definitely download this audiobook in iTunes. It’s only $2.95.

All the above tips are gathered from Dale Carnegie’s book: How To Win Friends And Influence People.


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